Thursday, November 1, 2007

Zoidberg's Brain Slug Treatment Candidate of the Week part who cares

UUHhhhhh... My tongue feels a furry as Fry's bath mat and tastes like Nibbler's litter box. Please, no making with the loud noises already.

Today's Brain Slug treatment is a two parter. The first goes to a man with the tact of a doomsday weapon and less commonsense than Amy. He is none other than Fred Phelps. "God hates America", what nonsense. America is great where else could a lobster like me become a rich doctor for a large company? Eh, Eh! But seriously, I have been listening to Dr. Luther rant on about Mr. Phelps and I got to admit he is right. What kind of man would call himself a Christian and not preach redemption in Christ? Preach the law, but don't spew hate like New York passing off its garbage to third world countries such as New Jersey. However, since he can't seem to get this through his thick skull, I will do the procedure for free!

Part 2 of my treatment goes to a whole group of people, twelve of them in fact. They get their nomination because of their egregious thrashing of First Amendment rights. In the lawsuit against Fred Phelps and co. they awarded a mourning father 11 million dollars. I want 11 million maybe I could sue Hermes because he is always blaming me for stuff and that makes me sad. But seriously, trampling first amendment rights just because the defendant is a spiteful hate monger who makes Bender look like a saint? What's next allowing PETA to sue meat eaters for eating in public? Bah, give them some free elective limb removal, I would.

Now, I am going to go finish sleeping off this sugar hangover. Anybody needs me I'll be in the big round spinning room in the professor's lab.

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